i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He felt like a one man threesome
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
