i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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