So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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