last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
