I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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