i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
