I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
