Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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