dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
