Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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