she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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