he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
