Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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