I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
