we made out on top of his cat.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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