Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
