If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
they need to just BURY HIM!
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
