you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
