If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Couch. On fire.
soo... how was my night?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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