wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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