I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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