Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
