I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
