its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
