Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
