1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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