I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Randomize
