Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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