I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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