So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
