I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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