On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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