yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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