why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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