life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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