I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
