Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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