On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
