So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
