Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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