We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
