so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
