i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize