Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
How does one acquire holy water?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
