White coat. Heels.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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