just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
