So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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