you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
