On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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