people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
